I'm engaged to a man that still, two years later, gives me butterflies... that uplifted, beautiful feeling of pure love (The kind I always thought didn't exist). I remember one night, when my fiance and I were sharing our feelings of love for each other, he beautifully declared his love for me. He is a writer and a gracious speaker. He makes great use of words and always finds a way to simply get his point across. With my lack of this great talent, I am easily swooned by his wonderful ability to create art with his words.
As I took my turn sharing my feelings, I found such trouble in explaining to him how much I loved him. I stumbled over every word, and it started to get all loose and abstract and ended in a five-hour discussion of how words don't give these feelings justice. I tried explaining how the thoughts in my head have all this color and beauty and motion and the words that come out of my mouth do not compare to what's happening inside. He told me something that stuck "It must be great in there, I wish I could see what you see," inside my head, with all this craziness happening.
|"Nothing learned is ever wasted"|
Often I tell him how the words I form don't do these feelings justice, but words are an important way to communicate and share with others. It's not that I don't know enough words, or that you don't understand the words I'm using, it's just that these words are so frequently used that it tends to dull their meaning and when you're trying to find a way to communicate something so profound and deep, dull does not work. You know when you're talking to someone and they nod their head confirming they're listening, but you're doubting it in your head, well they are listening, but they're so used to these words that they become dull. Think for a second when you're out in public and you hear someone speaking a different language, it catches our attention. New words!
I think this may have been what pulled me into learning Spanish, I appreciated the chance to learn new words, like it gave me the opportunity to create new meaning, a deeper, more profound connection. Sometimes when I'm talking I notice I'll throw in a Spanish word or two like it somehow increases the level of communication, grabs their attention and forces their brain to focus. I'm weird, I know this.
Writing works pretty well for me though, I'm usually able to get out way more than if I have to speak it out loud. I get to organize my thoughts and visually appreciate the words I'm using. When I was in school I doodled all the time, I think I worked through a lot of my feelings with pen & paper, almost subconsciously. It's not until now that I realized how well that senseless doodling may have helped.
I've been getting back into that and working on finding ways to incorporate that into my painting. A lot of my new pieces have text of some kind within them & under them :D
" My paintings are like onions, except you can't peel off the layers without causing damage to the shell.